


Hurt Him and We Hurt You

by kjack89



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, M/M, Mindless Fluff, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-12
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2018-01-01 07:25:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1042025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjack89/pseuds/kjack89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras and Grantaire decide to start dating; their friends decide to talk to them about that decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurt Him and We Hurt You

**Author's Note:**

> Short but sweet. I really just wanted happiness and stupid barricade boyfriends being stupid and sweet.
> 
> Usual disclaimer: I own nothing but my own sappiness and all of my mistakes.

They were evenly matched, Bahorel and Jehan, both smiling across the table at Enjolras in a way that seemed to get completely under his skin. Bahorel’s grin turned into more of a smirk as he cracked his knuckles, popping each one individually so that the sound practically echoed throughout the silent room, his grin widening every time Enjolras flinched at the sound.

Bahorel leaned forward, his eyes searching Enjolras’s before he said pleasantly, “So I heard you slept with Grantaire. Congratulations on that.”

Swallowing slightly, Enjolras inclined his head slightly. “Yeah. I did. But it wasn’t just…we’re dating now.” He blushed lightly, though still stared determinedly at Bahorel, his eyes occasionally flickering over to Jehan.

“Dating, hmmm?” Bahorel asked, sitting back in his chair, his expression contemplative and inquiring as he rolled the word around in his mouth. “Dating.”

Enjolras licked his lips nervously. “Um, yes. Dating. I believe that’s what it’s called when two people like each other and go on dates and…stuff.”

He shouldn’t be nervous. Not about this, not sitting in front of two of his friends. He had faced down riot police, city councilmen, hell, even a Senator once. His friends should not intimidate him.

But when Bahorel leaned forward again to ask in the same calm, pleasant voice, “What are your intentions with Grantaire? Because if you hurt him…”, Enjolras found his mouth had gone completely dry.

And Jehan just sat there and  _smiled_.

* * *

 

_Enjolras woke to lips pressed against his bare shoulder and rolled over to face Grantaire, leaning up to kiss him soundly. “Good morning,” he whispered, smiling at Grantaire, who was propped up on his elbow looking down at him._

_“Good morning to you, too.” Grantaire’s smile was gentle and peaceful, and one of the most genuine smiles that Enjolras had ever seen from him, no trace of his normal sarcasm there, or in the slightly blush that colored his cheeks. “I didn’t wake you up, did I?”_

_Shaking his head, Enjolras propped himself up as well, reaching out with hesitant fingers to trace up Grantaire’s shoulder, scooting closer to kiss him lightly again on the lips. “No, I was just about awake anyway.” He blushed slightly, remembering the previous night, and cleared his throat before asking, “How are you this morning?”_

_Grantaire kissed him for a long moment before responding. “Probably the best I’ve ever been.” His expression turned serious. “I don’t know how you want to proceed, but, uh, we don’t…we don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want.”_

_“Why wouldn’t I want to tell anyone?” Enjolras asked, mirroring Grantaire’s serious tone. “Grantaire, if you somehow think that I regret last night, trust me, I don’t.”_

_Now Grantaire shook his head, looking frustrated. “No, it’s not that. I just…we didn’t really have ‘the talk’ about what we’re doing.”_

_“I think it’s pretty obvious what we’re doing,” Enjolras said in a low voice, tracing his fingers down Grantaire’s side, smiling as Grantaire shivered._

_“Not that. I mean, in a broader sense of things. Are we…are we dating? Are we just fucking? Because I’m ok with either.” Grantaire was quick to add the second part, his eyes wide, clearly not trusting to hope , willing to take whatever Enjolras was willing to give him._

_And luckily, Enjolras was willing to give him everything. “Grantaire,” he said softly, reaching out to twine their fingers together, to press a kiss to his knuckles as he lifted their clasped hands to his lips, “I would very, very much like it if you would agree to be my boyfriend.”_

_Grantaire’s smile was almost blinding, and Enjolras leaned in to kiss him again._

_Later, when they were both up and dressed, Grantaire laughed slightly. “Man, I don’t envy you,” he chuckled, sitting down on the edge of Enjolras’s bed._

_“What do you mean?” Enjolras asked, frowning slightly._

_Grantaire just lay back, smirking. “You’re gonna have to deal with Bahorel and Jehan when they give you the ‘hurt him and we hurt you’ speech.”_

_“Oh yeah?” Enjolras asked offhandedly, beginning to smile as well. “Could be worse.”_

_Raising one eyebrow, Grantaire asked, “How so?”_

_Enjolras leaned in and kissed him, his lips curving into a smile against Grantaire’s. “You’re the one who’s going to have to hear the same speech from Combeferre and Courfeyrac.”_

* * *

 

“Let me tell you about pigs.”

Combeferre was using his vaguely excited voice, the one he used when he was really excited about a topic, but sensed that his audience was somewhat less enthused. Grantaire licked his lips and repeated, trying to keep his voice steady, “Pigs?”

Combeferre nodded. “Yeah. Pigs.” He leaned forward, eyes bright, fingers steepled in front of him. “Pigs are omnivorous, meaning that they will eat meat just as readily as vegetables. In particular, they’ve been known to eat corpses. Including human flesh.”

“Um,” Grantaire said, his voice squeaking slightly despite his best efforts to remain calm. “That’s, um, that’s nice.”

Nodding again, Combeferre continued, “Pigs have quite extraordinary digestive systems, you know. They can consume human flesh and bones without leaving any trace of it. In fact, the only parts of the human that a pig cannot digest are teeth and hair.” His eyes flickered up to Grantaire’s dark curls, something almost contemplative in them. “Of course, it’s an easy thing to shave someone’s head and dispose of the hair. And teeth can be dissolved easily enough in acid.”

Grantaire swallowed, hard. “You know, I’ve seen the movie  _Snatch_ ,” he said, aiming for casual and failing miserably, his voice shaking as Combeferre continued to look at him. “So I, uh, I know all of this.”

Combeferre smiled then, a calm, controlled smile, and pulled a key out of his pocket, setting it on the table and pushing it forward so that it was halfway between himself and Grantaire. “I don’t know if you know this,” he said off-handedly, “but my great-uncle has a pig farm.”

Now Grantaire stayed silent, any color in his face draining away.

Courfeyrac leaned forward, eyes gleaming as he grinned wickedly at Grantaire. “So tell us what we really want to know. Which one of you topped?”

* * *

 

Enjolras and Grantaire met each other outside, both visibly shaken. Enjolras reached out to pull Grantaire into his arms, holding him tightly. “Holy fucking shit,” he said through gritted teeth, eyes wide. “I never want to do that again.”

“Jesus, you’re telling me,” Grantaire muttered. “Our friends are fucking psychopaths, I swear to fucking God.” He pulled away slightly, reaching for Enjolras’s hand. “You still want to do this, though?”

Enjolras’s eyes flashed up to his, and he leaned in and kissed him. “More than ever,” he said honestly. “If we could survive that, we can probably get through anything.”

They began to walk away together, still holding hands, and Enjolras nudged Grantaire gently with his shoulder. “By the way, I hope this goes without saying, but I would never intentionally hurt you.”

“I know that,” Grantaire said, turning his head so he could kiss Enjolras. “And I would never hurt you either.”

After a long moment of companionable silence, Grantaire added in a strained voice, “By the way, if for some mysterious reason I do end up breaking your heart, you should just know that Combeferre’s great-uncle owns a pig farm and the police should probably look for my body there.”

Enjolras laughed loudly and tugged Grantaire close to him, pressing a kiss to his temple. “I will keep that in mind. But enough with the talk of hurting each other, ok? I know that you wouldn’t do it on purpose, you know the same of me. Our friends are satisfied. Let’s go home so I can return the favor from last night.”

“Ok,” Grantaire laughed, reaching up to kiss him. “Let’s go home.”


End file.
